Racisim

'I''m not racist but...'

I hear those words so often now, in my head I simply wait for their next sentence to betray them.
 Preceding your racism by professing not to be doesn't change or excuse the fact that you are.
Perhaps it's because I'm in the unique position of being welcomed into people's homes; within their their walls, sitting in their living rooms, it is their word, they rule.
They are safe in their castle, and perhaps it is due to this that they are so veracious. They are away from the public eye, even though they are admitting these things to a total stranger, and worse, an immigrant, one of the very people they are talking about.
But for some reason I don't count as one. I stand in the middle, not English (perish the thought!) but not a threat, not a true immigrant in their perspective. I hover in the in-between, belonging nowhere.
I speak English perfectly, my accent is fairly unobtrusive, I'm not from (and let's be honest, here is the real reason) the Middle East, and my skin doesn't mark me as different.

"I'm an immigrant here too" I point out, smiling awkwardly. "oh yes of course! But that's different." They say, laughing and brushing it away. Why? Because I'm educated? Because I'm white? Or because I'm not Muslim.
'Don't go to that area, it's full of immigrants now. Yes, but they take our jobs don't they! (but do they really?) Well, you have to worry about terrorism now don't you? Lucky we live away from the big cities, I wouldn't feel safe there anymore' (they cluck their tongues and shake their heads at the state of London nowadays)
It all comes back to this feeling, this righteousness tangible in its certainty - they really aren't racist, but... and then quite suddenly they are casual racists, even though they can't see it themselves.
These middle class, white people who profess to be so open-minded, so progressive, are in truth, anything but.
They are well-meaning, offering you cake and tea and smiling all the while, but their very perspective colors their actions, and in turn our society, subtly poisoning it against immigration, against change.

They are afraid, and when people are afraid they look for someone to hate.