Look at me

I don't have anything to say really, but I feel like talking. Its funny how often I want to express this ball of emotions that I harbour inside me, but don't know how.
There's a darkness inside me, a heaviness to my chest like someone's foot is on my chest pressing down harder and harder. Sometimes I just want to scream at the world to look at me, just to make people stop and see me; really see me.
I want to talk and be heard, and people to ask me where I go when my eyes are so far away and I stop listening.
When someone asks if I'm ok, I wish they would actually hear the answer.

100 things that make me happy

Because its a challenge, and i'm sick of being sad.
 In no particular order, just as they come to me:

1.The rain
2. Hail
3. Typewriters
4. Music
5. Dancing in the Rain
6. Walking by moonlight
7. the moon
8. Balloons
9. The Zoo
10. A blank page
11. A handwritten page
12. receiving a handwritten letter
13. Birthday cards
14. Baking
15. Making surprise dinner for people
16. Buying people presents
17. Children
18. Kittens
19. My pillow fortresses
20. Reading a good book
21. Music Boxes
22. Travelling
23. Being a tourist
24. Swimming pools
25. Singing
26. Shyla
27. Age of Empires
28. LAN
29. Cake
30. Tea
31. Hot Chocolate
32. Happy dreams
33. Shopping
34. eyeliner
35. Champagne
36. Christmas
37. Birthdays (not just my own!)
38. Making other people happy
39. Random acts of kindness
40. Human decency
41. When chivalry isn't dead
42. Tv shows like Supernatural, Game of Thrones
43. Joy-especially when she smiles
44. Snorkeling
45. My Mum
46. Castles
47.Ice-cream in the sunshine
48. bubble-baths
49. Talking on the phone to good friends
50. Dressing up
51. Going out to Dinner
52. Feeling loved
53. Catching the rain on my tongue
54. Swimming in the middle of the night
55. Being Spontaneous
56. Doing something I've never done before
57. Doing something that makes me proud of myself
58. Feeling independent
59. 'Les Miserables' soundtrack
60.  The movie 'Tangled'
61. Sleepovers
62. Camping
63. Photographs
64. Taking Photos
65. Old Photo albums
66. Family
67. Snow
68. Blogging
69. Parties
70. Cheeseburgers
71. Fire
72. Candles
73. Perfume
74. The Cinema
75. Flowers
76. Lemons
77. Red Wine
78. Teddy Bears
79. Hugs
80. Being Kissed
81.The Sky
82. Flying
83. Lists
84. Butterfly
85. Old artifacts and ruins
86. holding hands
87. Someone saying 'I love you'
88. Laughing
89. Feeling safe and protected
90. Acting like a child
91. Acting like an adult
92. Sailing
93. Boats
94. Creating
95. Spinning until I'm dizzy
96. Driving into the unknown
97. Accents
98. Money
99. History
100. Being Free.

You are alone.

If only I had thought like this when I was younger!