Time is a very odd concept in itself. I mean since the ancient Greeks (and well before) people have been trying to define time. to understand it and be able to put it away in a box and say 'solved it' and move on to the next great mystery. But it's not that simple. so we've confined time to hours and minutes and seconds. years.
But it hasn't changed anything. not really.
Time goes so fast and at the same time so slowly. In one hand I'm waiting, have been waiting so long to turn eighteen. To be able to take control of my life, and It seems I'll never get there. But then on the other hand I look back and realise I've spent over sixteen years in this world, and sometimes it seems its all passed in the blink of an eye. How did I not notice when I stopped saying 'mummy' when I stopped playing tag and started caring about what other people thought. When did I grow too old to have fun? when did I stop being a child, stop believing in the tooth fairy, stop wishing on shooting stars, stop believing in magic?
And when I say that I can't wait to be an adult and leave home, is it so wrong that I can't help but think wistfully of being a child again and wanting to so badly be that wide-eyed girl who laughed too much and smiled too much and didn't care.
I'm scared of growing old, and I wonder if old people are too. They were young once, I wonder if it feels like only yesterday to them, if they were at the start of their life, full of promise and hopes and dreams, and now they're here. Old and weary, and wrinkled, full of memories and lost opportunities, feeling like the world has passed them by, and time has played some cruel trick upon them, stealing their years.
And as I stop and think about here and now, this very second, it's already passed me by. moving, always moving, why can't I stop it, make it pause. If i close my eyes and hold breath and listen to the silence, i can almost pretend that the worlds stopped too, that for one moment in time, everything is still, static, waiting.
Why does everything have to move so fast? How can it be that your life can change in a few short seconds? I don't want to wake up and suddenly realise that I'm old and have nothing left. That I've spent my life without noticing, I'm not going to let opportunities pass me by, I'm not going to forget my dreams, not waste my life worrying and fretting and then realise I'm out of time.
You only get one shot
and life's too short not to take it.
