Coriolanus

My new favorite Shakespeare line, though I don't know why. It just flows so well and rolls off the tongue. It brings to image that of a worm, blind and writhing in the dark, to something greater, a serpent to be feared. Or maybe it's time for me to go to bed.
 Regardless, here it is:

This Coriolanus is grown from man to dragon: 

he has wings;

 he's more than a creeping thing.

                                                 Act V-Scene 4

I Did Not Die

This piece of poetry. Wow. The more I read it the more it means to me and the more I love it.
In some strange way it gives me hope in this deep fear of death which plagues my mind too often. I am insignificant. I know that; simply one more person in a world of seven billion. They say that 107 billion people is the number of those that have ever lived (since we begin considering ourselves modern humans, way back in the mists of time). And we remember almost none of them.
It's a frightening thought, and yet in our insignificance, are we not also significant? To those around us whose lives we changed, we were the world. Our footprints still marked the earth, and even though they have long since blown away, is it simply the fact that they were there at all that is important?

Do not stand at my grave and weep 

I am not there. I do not sleep.

 I am a thousand winds that blow.

 I am the diamond glints on the snow. 

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

 I am the gentle autumn rain. 

When you awaken in the morning’s hush 

I am the swift uplifting rush 

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

 I am the soft stars that shine at night.

 Do not stand at my grave and cry; 

I am not there. I did not die.
-Mary Elizabeth Frye 

Europe

Accepted to the dig in Italy. Accepted. Funny how that one word can change your life.
I leave soon, in barely over a month I am away, flying over countries and seas to Italy. To Europe. Mysterious, dangerous, beautiful Europe. I'm terrified, I'm elated.
This is the bravest thing I've ever done, and I'm doing it alone.

I feel like I am accomplishing things finally, my limbo has an end in sight, this waiting, numbly going through each day is almost over.
 In the past few weeks I passed my full driver's licence, I graduated the best university in my country (although that isn't saying too much) with a degree, and now this.

I don't know where I am going, what I'll do, where I will be a year from now. All I know is I want to immerse myself in Europe, in the culture, the history, the food, the language. I want to forget myself and be completely free, be whoever I want to be.
I truly feel like the world is mine in this instant, and the line from J.R.R. Tolkien keeps going around and around my head and I take heart from it;

Not all those who wander are lost.

Thought Was Me

Too many tears I’ve shed

And not a single thing has changed

Tears make you weak he said,

His smile twisted and deranged

I tried to be strong and wear the mask

To still my beating heart with iron fists

And yet here again I've failed at my task

In tears again for all I’ve missed

You’ve left me in disgust

And destroyed all we could have been

An ideal now turned to wretched dust

Disappointed with the shreds of who you thought you’d seen

The girl that I could never be

The girl that for a while, I thought was me

I wrote this a while ago, and it's interesting to look back to. I'm still sad, still hurting, still lonely, and I want someone, but I'm beginning to realize that someone isn't him. 

I am not that girl 'I never could be' but maybe that isn't a bad thing. Perhaps I don't even want to be that girl. 

I am me, and maybe that's good.

History

History isn't about dates and places and wars. It's about the people who fill the spaces between them.”

 - Jodi Picoult, The Storyteller

Words

“Words are pale shadows of forgotten names. As names have power, words have power. Words can light fires in the minds of men. Words can wring tears from the hardest hearts.”

 - Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind

2014

Happy new year. Happy 2014.

What a strange, heartbreaking thing last year was.
 This year I have no one to hurt me, I have hopes and dreams and no certainty, and I truly believe this year will be better. This year will be my year.

Europe. That's my great plan, a job, savings, and then the Europe and the wild beyond.

I've applied for an archaeological dig in Italy, I'm trying to learn french, i'm not buying a return ticket.

I'm young and free.

It's 2014, and the world is mine.

Nelson Mandela

“As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I'd still be in prison.”

“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”

 Nelson Mandela, you were one of the greatest people of our time

You will be sorely missed.

Might have been

Of all the words of mice and men,

The saddest are: "It might have been" 

                                   Kurt Vonnegut 

And it's true. We should strive to take every opportunity, because those we miss, we spend a lifetime wondering what could have-would have happened. 

Painting beautiful futures that can never be, because we didn't dare to try. What might have been is a world of infinite futures and possibilities, all of them lost. 

So take every chance, say hello to that stranger, agree to that trip, say yes, don't hesitate and let the moment be lost. And make as few of 'might have been' moments as you possibly can. 

The River of Time

The passage of time is a strange and winding river.

It has no set path, it only travels onward. You cannot control it, and can only hope to keep your head above water, to stay afloat and let the river take you where it will. At times it will lead you into the shallows, past gentle riverbanks where willows bow their heads. Sometimes it will pull you into the deep past jagged rocks where the current is strong and river-weed swirls in the eddies of the ever-changing tide.

And through it all you can hear it, sometimes far off, and sometimes all too close; the distant roar of the waterfall that lies at the end of the river. As all my life I struggle not to drown, to admire the starlight above me, to sink into the golden sunshine as it bathes me, and to enjoy every sight that I pass by, I know the waterfall is indomitable as it is inevitable.

I have never yet seen it, but when I do I imagine it will be as beautiful as it is terrifying.
It is coming, and I cannot stop it;

 As to what lies over the other side-

That is the last great mystery.